I can’t believe it’s August already. I remember when I was young, it seemed like the years were crawling. I wanted to fast forward to 2002 so I could have my debut already. Now, that’s eleven years ago. Whew! Like almost everyone else, I kind of dislike the age 30. :p No offense but it seems old. 😦 It’s like I can’t bring my red strawberry bag anymore or make use of rainbow colored stuff because it doesn’t fit me. Bleh. But as they say, it’s all in the mind. I could always try to make myself believe that I’m 23. I love being 23, I don’t know why. It’s such a fun age.
I know that it’s time for me to put this on paper. Sabi nga, it’ll make things more real and concrete when I can see it or I can read it. Well, for a long time, I’ve said too little and mainly too vaguely about how I’m doing. To say the least, these things are superficial. Maybe it’s a good thing that not too many people read my blog because I can write more freely without much inhibitions. Lately, I’ve been having this self struggle and how I wish it’s just one those spur-of-the-moment things. Knowing myself, it’s hard for me to ignore it because to simply put it, whatever it is, it gives me good vibes all the time. 🙂 Ironic, I know. Anyway, I can’t elaborate much but this caused me to turn to Him for guidance. I’m not very religious and I’ve been bad at times that I tend not to remember Him when everything’s okay and every Sunday as well. It’s been said a hundred times but He clearly doesn’t forget. He’s right on cue. I always believe God has a plan for me. It’s slowly sinking in everyday. I’m a work in progress in this department and having everyday conversations with Him really is a big sigh of relief. I was reading Patty Laurel’s blog entry and I just knew it is just an affirmation. I chanced upon it for a reason and now the light’s getting brighter for me. It’ll be one step at a time. 🙂
Wondering about my entry title? It’s this song. 🙂 You’ll know what I mean when you hear it. I first heard this as the background music for a couple’s 50th wedding anniversary. Such a blessing, right? 🙂
Like 1998 “If You Only Knew” cheesy 😀 lol!
I wish I could say it out loud but nobody’s going to understand. These things, they’re selfish and unfair. A little too late for what ifs.
I’m just excited to fix our own place next year. Mark and I have all these ideas already and just imagining our little cozy home makes me so giddy. 🙂 Since we started discussing about the renovation, I can’t stop thinking of getting stuff from Heima (libre lang mangarap) 🙂 I just don’t get tired browsing through their site and just daydreaming. Haha! They recently unveiled their latest collection and I just fell in love more. 😀 Well, let me show you some of the many awesome and chic stuff you can find in their shop. 😀
Know where to reach them 🙂
paperclub.tumblr.com ( coming soon )
I have this thing for _ _ _ _ _ _ _ . 😀
It’s not a one way street, I know I have my mishaps but it just makes me sad. Hurling words without contemplating. One harsh phrase after another. I slowly die inside and if you would just listen, my heart screams a silent cry. I wish we weren’t like that, I feel like giving up now..
For those watching the series, you’re well familiar with the episode. Like you, the ending performance struck me. I’m way beyond my teens but if I were to wear the white shirt and print some words on it, mine would probably say “NOT ENOUGH”:D. Growing up, I had some struggles being a teen in an exclusive school where it matters that you’re pretty and cool. Well, I kept a low profile, and didn’t make a big fuss out of it. So I have to say that back then, I’m not pretty enough, not cool enough, not smart enough, can’t sing good enough and can’t write good enough. I wear glasses and I was a klutz. 😀
Over the years, I tend to accept the imperfections. 😀 I somehow built some confidence and believed in myself. I’m not saying that now I’m way above everybody else. I still have to find where I’m “good enough” and make the most out of it. For now, I wear my shirt and wear it proud because I’m making the most out of ME.Nevermind the flaws, it’s what keeps me grounded. Born this way, baby! 😀
Kath and I were seriously (this WILL push through, fingers crossed) talking about visiting Kash in KL next year. I’m really excited and my little happy travelling feet is oh so giddy as well 🙂 My happiness doubled when my sister suggested we drop by Singapore before heading to KL and so I searched for guesthouses in SG and just look at what I found. Lovely, I’d say 🙂
Not much photos are in the site but the rooms are nice 🙂
I’m keeping this for future reference. 🙂
I was browsing some old files in the cabinet when I decided to pop up this dvd in the drive. turns out it contains some of my writings from my late college years. I remembered I wanted to write a story ala Vince Teves. 🙂 Hahaha! Oh well, for the sake of old times, sharing with you an excerpt of an episode from some unfinished fiction. Please don’t judge. I was young then. 🙂
(by: Liza S. Contemprate)
As soon as I sat across from Angel in the coffee shop one afternoon, I knew there was something that was going to go wrong. Even though Angel was at her usual jaunty mood (her face literally lit up when she saw me) I can sense a little bit of doubt.
Angel and I decided to get Xander a Bon Voyage gift right after we finish our cup which would take us at least an hour and a half.. Our friend is luckily going out of the country for good. He and his family are off for migration. That would leave just Angel and me for a long while and I’m not complaining.
Just as I made my first sip of the hot coffee, Angel was fidgeting in her seat and kept on rubbing the edges of her ultra dark sunglasses. I was also in my usual lunatic self and as soon as I blurted out a lame joke, Angel automatically let out her contagious laugh that led to another and another and before we knew it, we had to scram out of our seats because it’s running late or we’ll never get around on buying Xander a nice gift. So that went on for a while. We sat there talking and laughing and talking and laughing and talking then laughed again. With Angel around, I can never sit still. She gives me the hiccups all the time.
Then the uncomfortable silence came. I had this strong feeling that under those thick glasses are eyes of longing. And I was 100% correct.
“Why suddenly so quiet?” I asked her when she took a long sip of coffee.
There was a long pause that I couldn’t muster. Finally she took off her glasses revealing her poignant eyes. I looked away. I already knew the reason, Xander. Seeing Angel like that crumpled my heart.
When she didn’t speak I asked again, “Is that about Xander?”
She took a deep breath and just nodded. I didn’t know what to say. I never thought that Angel still liked Xander. Angel had this long time feelings for Xander and he never knew it. So typical of a tragic love story and now that Xander would be leaving Angel knew there’s nothing more she could do. Angel started to ease her feelings by telling me everything and as she discloses, I know she had already accepted it.
I sat there quietly and there came the uncomfortable silence again. I looked at Angel again and she started to smile and somehow that made me smile too. Then Angel had to open a topic that I was avoiding for the past few days.
“I talked to Hannah a few days earlier. Are you getting back together?’ Angel asked a little bit softer than her usual voice, it was more like a loud whisper.
My brows furrowed. Me and Hannah getting back together? That wasn’t in the agenda. As I looked up, Angel had plastered this taunting smile on her lips that erased any trace of sadness. I blinked a few times and I still can’t think of a reply. Mainly because I really don’t have the answer or I was still confused. But what am I confused about? I stared at Angel once again, her face suddenly looked so serious that I had to laugh. “don’t look at me like that, you’re making me laugh” I told her and she loosened a bit.
“Hey. c’mon, don’t change the topic, James” Angel said leaning back on her chair and folded her arms across her chest.
I paused and swallowed again, “Well, Hannah and I are just… friends”
Angel had this look on her face, maybe it was relief. Relief? For what?
“Safe answer, James. A very safe answer” she said.
“What do you want me to say? Besides, I’m not really thinking about this.” I said and just stayed quiet.
Angel took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s just change the topic.” She started yet another story that made even her eyes smile. Yes, I’m not thinking about Hannah. I assure that to myself.
I realized I was breathing normally again.